losing hair

So I am half way through chemo. The second session was amazingly difficult. I am pretty sure I haven't been this low since I received my diagnosis. Losing my hair was devastating. I don't think any number of books, articles or talks with survivors can fully prepare you for this. It isn't a vanity issue - its more about the fact that no one sees the scars, no one feels the fear, no one is awake with me at 2 am when my mind won't be quiet. But people see my head and then they just know. Cancer isn't a secret - it just took me a while to not feel embarrased. Yes, I know I have nothing to be ashamed or embarrased about but somethings are easier said than done. Its just that for the first time I feel that I look like I have cancer. Does that make sense? I never felt sick - the only time I really physically hurt was after my surgeries. I think that I was my healthiest when I was diagnosed (irony) and now the medicine that is supposed to make me better makes me feel worse. But the baldness - its just a daily reminder. My family is amazing and supportive and I did get a very lovely wig which has fooled quite a few people. I was glad I finally took control and just shaved it all off. I was actually the best decision I could have made and helped my feel like I was the one calling the shots. It took a week for all of my hair to fall out (the teeny tiny pieces) and I am doing much better. Actually I am getting a little used to being bald, just not used to how chilly I am all of the time. Got a couple of hats to fix that. I know it will come back and I am OK, its just one more thing to deal with.